Who Am I??????

  Mitchell had his first cross-country meet of the after-season today.  He had to run 3K (1.8 miles) in the rain and it was so cold.  He did really well and I'm so proud of him-next week he'll run in the regionals in Oregon.  Mitchell is such an intellectual kid that isn't really into sports, so I'm so happy that he seems to have finally found his niche.  I believe with continued practice, he will be really great at it.  One thing that I noticed while he was running today was that he tended to look behind him a lot.  After the race was over, I told him that he shouldn't do that while in a race, because it's counter-productive.  He should always have his eyes forward, on the finish line.  I was chatting with my grandma on the way home and I had an epiphany.  Isn't that what so many of us do with our lives?  We are constantly looking behind us rather than toward the future.  And what does that give us besides bitterness, regret, anxiety, and all the emotions that we want to avoid?  Or maybe it's to the other extreme and we are looking at all the happy times that happened before and living in the past.  The problem with that is we tend to have a very skewed and biased view of our past.

  I have been struggling lately trying to figure out who exactly the present-day Sarah Curl is.  I am David's wife and mom to my four boys, but if you take away that identity what do people know about me?  When I was in college, I thought I'd graduate with my degree in advertising and move to a big city and work in an agency.  I thought anyone who followed their man around for his job was crazy!  I guess God had other plans for me, because not only do I follow my man around the world, but I'm also a stay-at-home mom to 4 boys!  I've always thought God has a great sense of humor, especially when it comes to our plans.  But I have just felt so restless lately, like God has a plan for me that I am not fulfilling.  Of course I am so thankful to be at home with my boys, but I just feel like something is missing.  Cue the second life-changing book that I talked about in my last blog, and that is "Creative Journal Writing-the art and heart of reflection."  I've always wanted to keep a journal, but have never really known where to start.  I feel like this blog is part of a journal, because it is therapeutic to write things out instead of having them ruminate in my head all the time.  It has helped a lot!  I feel encouraged and hopeful that my future holds more for me than constant house cleaning and chasing of toddlers.  I am optimistic that with further reflection and journal writing I'll begin to know the plans God has for me.

  Those who know me well also know that I have a love affair with music-especially songs that are gut-wrenching and soul-piercing.  I find it fascinating how my mood can be affected so drastically by whatever song I am listening to.  I can be ready to go out dancing one minute and then moved to tears the next.  There is a song out right now by Natasha Bedingfield called Strip Me that I absolutely love.  I feel like it goes along with everything that I am feeling and trying to say.  It is so hard as a mother of 4 young children to have any time to dream or even think for myself.  I am constantly taking care of everyone else's needs.  But it is so important not to lose sight of myself as an individual, apart from my husband and kids.  These are the lyrics-I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

      Strip Me by Natasha Bedingfield

Everyday I fight for

All my future somethings

A thousand little wars

I have to choose between

I could spend a lifetime

Earning things that I don't need

That's like chasing rainbows

And coming home empty

And if you strip me,

Strip it all away

If you strip me,

What would you find?

If you strip me,

Strip it all away

I'll be alright

Take what you want

Steal my pride

Build me up

Or cut me down to size

Shut me out

But I'll just scream

I'm only one voice in a million

But you ain't taking that from me

Oh no you ain't taking that from me (4 Xs)

I don't need a microphone

To say what I've been thinking

My heart is like a loudspeaker

That's always on eleven

And if you strip me,

Strip it all away

If you strip me,

What would you find?

If you strip me,

Strip it all away

I'm still the same

Take what you want

Steal my pride

Build me up

Or cut me down to size

Shut me out

But I'll just scream

I'm only one voice in a million

But you ain't taking that from me

Oh no you ain't taking that from me (4 Xs)

Cause when it all boils down

At the end of the day

It's what you do and say

That makes you who you are

Makes you think about

Think about

Think about it

Doesn't it?

Sometimes all it takes is one voice

Take what you want

Steal my pride

Build me up

Or cut me down to size

Shut me out

But I'll just scream

I'm only one voice in a million

But you ain't taking that from me

Oh no you ain't taking that from me (4 Xs)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnhDIGTldho

Until next time-keep looking forward friends!